Thursday, November 24, 2011
Giving Thanks for Vivvy....
This has been a very sad week as Julie’s mom, Viv Riestenberg, passed away last Tuesday evening (November 15). I've tried to post about her several times but really haven't had the time I knew it would take to truly do her justice. With her funeral service taking place Saturday, I decided to take a little timeout from preparing the Thanksgiving meal to talk about a woman who I consider the greatest mother-in-law anyone could ever ask for.
I first met Viv on a Sunday afternoon in February of 1984. Julie and I had been dating for a couple months and she asked if I would like to ride down to Cincinnati for dinner at her parents’ house. We were living in Dayton at the time and since I didn’t get many offers to go to Sunday dinner, I graciously accepted her invitation.
At the time, I had no idea I was about to meet my future in-laws…as well as the rest of her family. When we arrived, Viv, her sister Ruthie and grandma Realsie were sitting at the kitchen table talking. They were all extremely nice and welcoming. We then went back to the TV room where I met Julie's dad, Skeeter. (After we woke him up, of course!) Soon we were joined by Boonie and Maid followed closely behind by Nee Cee and Binnie, Sina and Doobs, Edi and Plain Jane and Whitey and Steve – Benhead was the only family member I didn’t meet that day and Steve was the only one without a nick name. It was also at that time that I learned Julie had about half a dozen nicknames and all of them were extremely flattering…Viv called her Philly (for Phyllis Diller) and other names included Muttly, Muttles, Sticky, Snag and her personal favorite; Puter. It wasn’t until Uncle Don (Fonzie) showed up that I learned it was actually income tax day and everyone was there to have Don (Fonzie) go over their returns. I also learned that dinner was going to be one of Viv’s specialties – Half burgers!
The time flew by, I found the half burgers to be a true Riestenberg family delicacy and we wound up playing a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit in the TV room. (For the record, my team DID win!) I felt so comfortable with everyone and I had never been around a family that truly enjoyed being together as much as they did; it was obvious there was a great deal of love in their home and it was all genuine.
When it was time to leave I was quite surprised when Viv gave me a kiss and told me I was always welcome in their home and from that day forward, I always was. (For the record, I was even more surprised when Fonzie kissed me but over the years I’ve gotten used to it!)
Julie and I were engaged a few months later and Viv and Skeeter graciously welcomed me to their family. Over the years we had many, many, many more famly gatherings - birthday parties, wedding showers, golf outings (I've got to be one of the few men in this world who routinely got whipped by his mother-in-law in golf and during every round she'd strongly urge me to get some lessons). Of course the highlight of every year was December 24th when we'd travel to Viv and Skeeters for the Riestenberg family Christmas celebration; Viv LOVED Christmas! As I reflect back on all these outings it is very clear to me that Viv was at the center of every gathering; she loved and was truly proud of her family and she cherished every moment they were together. Another highlight and one of the memories I will always cherish of Vivvy was the week the entire family spent at Reynolds Plantation in Georgia celebrating Viv and Skeeters 50th wedding anniversary; it was vintage Viv and Skeets - she was always one of the first ones up and one of the last to go to bed and spent the entire day playing games, sitting around the table talking, fishing and being surrounded by her family while Skeeter watched little league baseball games, fished and napped on the couch. I don't know if I ever saw Viv happier because she was spending an entire week with the people she loved most.
She was also a woman of tremendous faith, especially at times when other people might question their own. When she lost her oldest son, Dan, to lymphoma she was a pilar of strength and her faith comforted me and others through that difficult time. As her dear sister, Ruthie, suffered through Alzheimers disease Viv was right by her side the entire time. When her sister, Shirley, and brother-in-law, Bob Judd, were killed in an automobile accident, Viv and Skeeter took their three daughters; Jenny, Jeanne and Julie, into their home and with their own four children raised a family that you would have never known was struck by such a tragic event. The girls brothers, Jerry and Jimmy, were raised by Viv's brother, Don and his wife Joan, and the way the families kept the Judd children together was remarkable - you will not find 5 siblings as close as the 5 Jenny, Jeanne, Julie, Jerry and Jimmy are. Even in her final years Viv was so at peace with her situation that it made it easier for the family to cope with her inevitable loss.
We actually thought we might lose Viv back in 2005. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer and following a very difficult surgery and facing an extended recovery period, I think Viv decided she had lived a great life and was perfectly at peace with dying. At one point the family was called to Good Samaritan hospital to say our goodbyes - I remember going to the waiting room and everyone was ovbviously sad and crying. Small groups would go in to see her and say their goodbyes - when they went in they were in tears and when the came out of the room, they were smiling and laughing; it was amazing. Even while she appeared to be dying, Viv was the comforting mother and grandmother looking out for the people she loved the most. I think Julie's sister Janis put it best; she taught us how to live and she was teaching us how to die. Little did we know she'd have over 6 more years of lessons for us all to learn.
Shortly after that day at Good Sam, Viv was moved to Hospice care. She was in bed most of the time, rarely ate but surprisingly she seemed to be getting better. It was also at this time that I was hit with quite a bombsell as I was diagnosed with lymphoma, as well. Obviously this news was extremely difficult to accept. I also knew, given her own health issues, that it would be difficult for us to share the news with Viv but we knew it had to be done. The day after I was diagnosed we went to visit her in Hospice. When we arrived we expected to see Viv lying in her bed but when we walked into her room she was sitting in a chair eating a sandwich. I looked at her and she looked at me and the smile on her face was all I needed to see, it's a smile I'll never forget - I knew at that point she had decided to fight for her life and realized that's exactly what I needed to do, as well. She was teaching us all, especially me, how to fight. Many family members have told me that they believe Viv fought back because she knew Julie and I were going to need her support. I have no idea if that is true - I certainly never asked her - but if it is true I can honestly say it is the nicest, most selfless act anyone has ever done for me. It took a 77 year old woman at peace with death to teach me how to fight for life.
The past few years took their toll on Viv. Her health continued to worsen, she eventually had to move to a retirement/nursing home and it became obvious the end was near. It was difficult for the family to watch her go through the last few days but in the end, while obviously very sad, it was also a relief that she was finally at peace.
I was talking with a co-worker late last week and she asked how the family will be able move forward without Viv; afterall she's been at the center of everyone's lives for so long and she'll be dearly missed. But after thinking about it I realized the answer is really pretty simple - we're going to do it together. We know that's what she would want. We know that would make her happy. When I think of us all together I'll always be reminded of that unforgettable smile. So on this day of thanks, I'm thankful that I had this wonderful woman in my life. I thank her for welcoming me into her family. I thank her for always making me feel like I was her favorite son-in-law even though I was always pretty sure it was Binnie! But mostly I thank her for teaching me how to fight and make the most of every day you have on this earth. She was one of a kind and we will all miss this amazing woman.
I first met Viv on a Sunday afternoon in February of 1984. Julie and I had been dating for a couple months and she asked if I would like to ride down to Cincinnati for dinner at her parents’ house. We were living in Dayton at the time and since I didn’t get many offers to go to Sunday dinner, I graciously accepted her invitation.
At the time, I had no idea I was about to meet my future in-laws…as well as the rest of her family. When we arrived, Viv, her sister Ruthie and grandma Realsie were sitting at the kitchen table talking. They were all extremely nice and welcoming. We then went back to the TV room where I met Julie's dad, Skeeter. (After we woke him up, of course!) Soon we were joined by Boonie and Maid followed closely behind by Nee Cee and Binnie, Sina and Doobs, Edi and Plain Jane and Whitey and Steve – Benhead was the only family member I didn’t meet that day and Steve was the only one without a nick name. It was also at that time that I learned Julie had about half a dozen nicknames and all of them were extremely flattering…Viv called her Philly (for Phyllis Diller) and other names included Muttly, Muttles, Sticky, Snag and her personal favorite; Puter. It wasn’t until Uncle Don (Fonzie) showed up that I learned it was actually income tax day and everyone was there to have Don (Fonzie) go over their returns. I also learned that dinner was going to be one of Viv’s specialties – Half burgers!
The time flew by, I found the half burgers to be a true Riestenberg family delicacy and we wound up playing a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit in the TV room. (For the record, my team DID win!) I felt so comfortable with everyone and I had never been around a family that truly enjoyed being together as much as they did; it was obvious there was a great deal of love in their home and it was all genuine.
When it was time to leave I was quite surprised when Viv gave me a kiss and told me I was always welcome in their home and from that day forward, I always was. (For the record, I was even more surprised when Fonzie kissed me but over the years I’ve gotten used to it!)
Julie and I were engaged a few months later and Viv and Skeeter graciously welcomed me to their family. Over the years we had many, many, many more famly gatherings - birthday parties, wedding showers, golf outings (I've got to be one of the few men in this world who routinely got whipped by his mother-in-law in golf and during every round she'd strongly urge me to get some lessons). Of course the highlight of every year was December 24th when we'd travel to Viv and Skeeters for the Riestenberg family Christmas celebration; Viv LOVED Christmas! As I reflect back on all these outings it is very clear to me that Viv was at the center of every gathering; she loved and was truly proud of her family and she cherished every moment they were together. Another highlight and one of the memories I will always cherish of Vivvy was the week the entire family spent at Reynolds Plantation in Georgia celebrating Viv and Skeeters 50th wedding anniversary; it was vintage Viv and Skeets - she was always one of the first ones up and one of the last to go to bed and spent the entire day playing games, sitting around the table talking, fishing and being surrounded by her family while Skeeter watched little league baseball games, fished and napped on the couch. I don't know if I ever saw Viv happier because she was spending an entire week with the people she loved most.
She was also a woman of tremendous faith, especially at times when other people might question their own. When she lost her oldest son, Dan, to lymphoma she was a pilar of strength and her faith comforted me and others through that difficult time. As her dear sister, Ruthie, suffered through Alzheimers disease Viv was right by her side the entire time. When her sister, Shirley, and brother-in-law, Bob Judd, were killed in an automobile accident, Viv and Skeeter took their three daughters; Jenny, Jeanne and Julie, into their home and with their own four children raised a family that you would have never known was struck by such a tragic event. The girls brothers, Jerry and Jimmy, were raised by Viv's brother, Don and his wife Joan, and the way the families kept the Judd children together was remarkable - you will not find 5 siblings as close as the 5 Jenny, Jeanne, Julie, Jerry and Jimmy are. Even in her final years Viv was so at peace with her situation that it made it easier for the family to cope with her inevitable loss.
We actually thought we might lose Viv back in 2005. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer and following a very difficult surgery and facing an extended recovery period, I think Viv decided she had lived a great life and was perfectly at peace with dying. At one point the family was called to Good Samaritan hospital to say our goodbyes - I remember going to the waiting room and everyone was ovbviously sad and crying. Small groups would go in to see her and say their goodbyes - when they went in they were in tears and when the came out of the room, they were smiling and laughing; it was amazing. Even while she appeared to be dying, Viv was the comforting mother and grandmother looking out for the people she loved the most. I think Julie's sister Janis put it best; she taught us how to live and she was teaching us how to die. Little did we know she'd have over 6 more years of lessons for us all to learn.
Shortly after that day at Good Sam, Viv was moved to Hospice care. She was in bed most of the time, rarely ate but surprisingly she seemed to be getting better. It was also at this time that I was hit with quite a bombsell as I was diagnosed with lymphoma, as well. Obviously this news was extremely difficult to accept. I also knew, given her own health issues, that it would be difficult for us to share the news with Viv but we knew it had to be done. The day after I was diagnosed we went to visit her in Hospice. When we arrived we expected to see Viv lying in her bed but when we walked into her room she was sitting in a chair eating a sandwich. I looked at her and she looked at me and the smile on her face was all I needed to see, it's a smile I'll never forget - I knew at that point she had decided to fight for her life and realized that's exactly what I needed to do, as well. She was teaching us all, especially me, how to fight. Many family members have told me that they believe Viv fought back because she knew Julie and I were going to need her support. I have no idea if that is true - I certainly never asked her - but if it is true I can honestly say it is the nicest, most selfless act anyone has ever done for me. It took a 77 year old woman at peace with death to teach me how to fight for life.
The past few years took their toll on Viv. Her health continued to worsen, she eventually had to move to a retirement/nursing home and it became obvious the end was near. It was difficult for the family to watch her go through the last few days but in the end, while obviously very sad, it was also a relief that she was finally at peace.
I was talking with a co-worker late last week and she asked how the family will be able move forward without Viv; afterall she's been at the center of everyone's lives for so long and she'll be dearly missed. But after thinking about it I realized the answer is really pretty simple - we're going to do it together. We know that's what she would want. We know that would make her happy. When I think of us all together I'll always be reminded of that unforgettable smile. So on this day of thanks, I'm thankful that I had this wonderful woman in my life. I thank her for welcoming me into her family. I thank her for always making me feel like I was her favorite son-in-law even though I was always pretty sure it was Binnie! But mostly I thank her for teaching me how to fight and make the most of every day you have on this earth. She was one of a kind and we will all miss this amazing woman.
# posted by Vince Hopkins @ 12:33 PM 
